The Horrible – and adorable – insanity of Halloween
Halloween is always one of my favorite Simply Amusing newsletters to write, because there is so much good material to work with. I have never understood why it is perfectly acceptable for wholesome, peace loving, families to celebrate the blood, guts, and violence of Halloween. For reasons that totally baffle me, during the month of October it becomes perfectly acceptable to proudly display gruesome images of anything dead, scary, or evil. In fact, I’d go so far as to say, that people actually go out of their way toa flaunt images of terror that would otherwise be considered worthy of the death penalty.
Now mix that in with the little girls dressed up as ballerinas, babies wearing irresistible pumpkin costumes, and boys who are excited to be superheroes. Then send them all out together into the neighborhood streets – the ax murderers and the princesses – to knock on doors and ask total strangers for a piece of candy. I’d like to say that this is a total exaggeration and that I’m just making this stuff up, but the reality is, it’s all true.
Again, Halloween is a time that truly baffles me. Three other things that add to my October confusion are: the scarecrows, the pumpkins, and the candy corn. I can maybe understand the pumpkin and the scarecrow because they are at least somewhat appropriate to the season. Pumpkin harvest is in the fall so we need to keep the scarecrows employed. I suppose it is their job to help ensure that we have a big enough crop for all of those millions of pumpkin pies that Americans consume on Thanksgiving day.
But what about the candy corn? How did that become, not only associated with, but almost the generic symbol of Halloween. In what way is a tri-colored lump of corn kernel shaped sugar, connected to Halloween? The only thing I can think of is that maybe some brilliant marketing expert, employed by the sugar cane farmers, created candy corn as a way to compete with the pumpkin growers, but who knows.
And if you thought I was done with our list of insanity associated with Halloween then you were mistaken. Can someone please explain to me why we carve Jack-o-lanterns? It seem like a big waste to me, because we don’t even eat the darn things. We just hollow them out, poke a few holes that are supposed to represent a face, and then put in a candle to see them glow. Then a few days later we scrape up the soggy, moldy mess and toss all of our hard work in the trash. I know, maybe that brilliant candy corn marketing guy was the same guy who came up with the idea of carving pumpkins.
Yet, as soon as the month of October is over, the insanity quickly fades away. Down with the scary monsters, and up go the twinkling lights of peace and joy. And do you know the craziest thing of all about this whole mess? I have already purchased my pumpkins, and already eaten half of the candy that is meant for the horrible, and the adorable, trick or treater’s that I welcome to my door. I guess that means I’ll be going as a hypocrite this year.
Original Corny Jokes
Written by Susan Sherbert
What do you do when you make a mistake carving a pumpkin?
Take it to a pumpkin PATCH?
Why did the witch buy a vaccuum?
Because her broom STICKS